The 4FC

Did you know the government has a weather machine, that's why we're getting so many hurricanes!... Isn't the human body like 90% salt?... If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen"... What, are you a communist? Isn't this America? I'm sorry, I thought this was America!... Hey kid, I'm a computer, stop with all the downloading! (Help computer)... And everyone in the audience has to be naked to get into the show... All's I know is birth'n babies... Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar... Iambic pentameter, and you can forget about the cat food... I looked at the plant, then I tasted it!... So I says to Mable, I says... That's right, ALL the tea... Then a little squirell told me to kill people?.. Did everything just taste like purple?... Hey, buddy... Yeah YOU!... What's your problem? Why don't you mind your own business?!... Jack and Jill went to the slums to fetch a bag of crack, Jill got mugged and Jack was bugged, they never made it back... Sorry, but this isn't a porno site. You're probably looking for the 4FUC... You can't stop this marquee... It will scroll forever.

Monday, February 14, 2005

First Short Essay On the Subject of Smoking Bans

"Pornography On Campus"

by: Jack Spencer (artistic director)

The other day I was searching the Internet for some information on Andrew Jackson, when I came upon a pornographic web site. Now I had heard of these things before, but I always thought that they were kept in a special place in the Internet. Not this site. It was third in a list of essays on Jacksonian America. It didn’t tell me it was going to be pornographic in nature, so I was quite surprised to see this young woman sodomized by a man who probably wasn’t in love with her.

Quickly I called my Residential Advisor to tell him of this occurrence. And to my shock, he said that it wasn’t uncommon at all. In fact, he said it was very common for people to not only stumble upon pornography, but to actively search for this smut on a regular basis. He went on to say that this sort of perversion is usually enjoyed (if you can even call it that) by self-pleasuring oneself.

Do people not know of the evils that pornography leads to in society? Can they not see that pornography (or porno, for short) is against everything that Jesus stood for? Isn’t it a fact that pornography probably has something to do with this nation’s growing illegitimacy rate?

As a concerned citizen and student here at BSU, I will be petitioning Student Senate to ban all pornography from campus. This ban will surely turn the tide on a growing trend of sexual deviants and homosexuals in the community. It may also cut down on a student’s laundry bill. Knowing what I know now, I can’t sleep at night with the thought that someone, maybe even my neighbor, could be looking at pornography.

posted by J. Montgomery Spencer at 12:33 AM

2 Comments:

  • I must say this is a surprise to me. That you actually never thought that living on the 4th floor of pine, which i have visited many a time, that none of those 20somethings are looking at porn? Get real! Go down to the 2nd floor and i can bet thast there is more porn on the girls computers than those of the mens. PLUS! Don't ban porn because i can bet that its better to be sitting at the computer and please himself than it is to go in the showerstall that you will also use and pleasure himself in there thinking about his girlfriend. I say yes to porn at the puter and no to gettin off in the multi-person showers!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:10 PM  

  • Ha ha, good point anonymous, but I think you've failed to see the poiniancy here. It is not a proposition to actually ban pornography, it was meant to be an amusing mockery of the smoking ban issue, showing how weak the argument has been, and how rediculous it would sound in context to another topic. Thanks for reading though!

    By Blogger Itheus, at 5:50 PM  

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